The Psychological Effects of Quarantine
I'm either hypersensitive now, or I'm psychic.
There was a moment in quarantine when I realized that my social distancing rules were more about psychological safety than physical safety. I was, for instance, happy and comfortable seeing one person even though I knew about their lack of social distancing. And yet, I would keep extreme distance from another person who I knew for a fact was alone in their apartment 24/7. My brain was conflating psychological safety and physical safety. If someone didn’t feel safe in one way, they didn’t feel safe in all ways.
I noticed, too, that other people were doing this to me, and I would be very aware if someone didn’t want me around. I would intuit this was because, for whatever reason, I didn’t make them feel safe, rather than they had reason to believe I had covid. It was intriguing to watch this all go down.
As the clock struck midnight marking our entry into 2021, my partner Marley and I were fighting about god knows what. It all seemed very serious and very dark, as fights often do. We were very down on one another, and of course, in the morning, we could barely remember what it was about. (We were fully sober.) I realize now, months later, that I was actually afraid of New Years’ itself. I felt, at the time, that the entire world had just gone through a psychological trauma (quarantine) and was now doing the worst thing a traumatized person could do: moving on and acting as if nothing happened. Even the covid deniers went through something: imagine the toll it takes to deny reality for over a year straight, in every moment. No matter your take on the whole thing, it left an impact, and in not talking about it, we’re missing a great opportunity for growth.
It affected everyone differently; how did it affect you? What transformation did you undergo?
If someone doesn’t feel safe in one way, they don’t feel safe in all ways.
I’m vaccinated now and feeling relatively safe, but here’s what didn’t change: if someone doesn’t feel safe in one way, they don’t feel safe in all ways. And while this could border on agoraphobia if I take it too seriously and end up wary of everyone, I actually find my brain being very reasonable about it. I’m learning to trust myself, I’m no longer gaslighting myself into ignoring a feeling of unease, and instead, I’m acting on it fast as if there is a dangerous pathogen in the room. I don’t know if I’m being hypersensitive or if I have become psychic (Are they the same thing?), but I’m really enjoying this superpower.
In many ways, it’s sad and isolating because I’m not engaging with people that I once did, and it’s surprising who those people turn out to be. On the other hand, I find my interactions with the people that remain to be so rewarding, so meaningful, so warm, and so full of love because I know I’m giving my energy to people who make me feel safe. And just like that, life becomes safe.
I’m actively working to integrate this new x-ray vision into my life and social interactions. When it comes to picking and choosing who you give energy to, there doesn’t need to be a specific reason, and you don’t need to wait for the red flag to hit you across the face, if you feel unsafe, you’re unsafe, and you have every right to make the changes needed to get safe. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. We’re a cerebral people: psychological safety is physical safety.
I feel like tons of people cooped up in their homes had realizations like this but different. Have you thought about it? This is what the transformation looked like for me. What did it look like for you?
I end every post with two things, a picture of my breakfast and a picture of my son:
