Everyone is Toxic
Decolonization, MLK, and Thailand
Sorry not sorry for typos and scattered trains of thought. I’m traveling in Thailand and my computer broke so I’m writing on my phone.
When surviving in the wilderness, there’s really only one plan of action if you happen to ingest something poisonous: detox with water while you diarrhea, shake, and vomit. Wait for it to clear the system.
The same goes for cultural toxicity. Once you realize you’ve got the poison of misogyny and racism in you, you can’t just act like nothing is happening, you’ve got to shake, diarrhea, and vomit until it’s cleared your system. Unlike a poison berry, when it comes to cultural toxicity, you might not even know you’ve been poisoned. You might just think that’s how berries are supposed to make you feel.
I’m beginning to feel that more and more of my friends, family, and the people I meet, are waking up to the fact that we have swallowed a poison berry and it’s time to clear the system. For so long, this process was intellectual, a process of realization. Now, its becoming bodily. Our bodies keep score— cancer is the body attacking itself. How do we clear our systems of the toxicity of hatred, misogyny, racism, and our main character, colonialism?
MLK’s Bear Hug
We all know fight and flight responses to a threat, but there is also fawn and freeze. While Conservatives respond to “woke” culture with fight, democrats often respond by fawning.
Instead of fighting, liberal contempt for powerful brown people and women simply finds new politically correct ways of expressing itself. Beneath it is the same white supremacist fear mongering and anger that brown people and women will replace them.
That’s why in the Black Mirror episode “15 Million Merits,” when the main character, a black contestant of a dystopian game show, has had enough, he sabotages the big performance by holding a glass shard to his neck and laying out how and why the white judges are running a corrupt and violently oppressive enterprise. In response they don’t fight or flight, they fawn—a standing ovation. “What a brave performance.”They make him a star and award him a new high-octane news show where he delivers the news while holding the glass shard to his neck. This is fawning. And it’s still racist—worse even because they can point and say, “What do you mean racist? We gave him his own TV show!”
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a victim of the same behavior. The establishment and the government outwardly accepted him, even making a national holiday. But, the theories that he was killed by the government are not outlandish. MLK was a revolutionary, he was almost more outspoken about the poison of white colonialism and capitalism than many activists today. He brought a million people to the steps of the government. He was bear-hugged and continues to be fawned over. But fawning is a threat response. What do you mean America is racist? MLK has a national holiday! What more do you want?
Little Awakenings
I have a theory that every single US supporter of Israel also thinks that Black Lives Matter is stupid.
Black Lives Matter is based around the fact that systems of oppression are incredibly advanced and powerful systems designed to violently keep people with brown skin subjugated, and to meanwhile have their talents and powers milked by the elite.
Anyone supporting Israel entirely missed the point that if military is being used en force by white people against brown people, it’s part of a system of oppression. And, if brown people are using force against white people, it’s part of a system of liberation.
bell hooks has a really good short documentary/presentation on the way early white record executives cherry picked violent misogynistic rappers because it fit with their racist (and misogynistic) views, allowing gangsters to come to represent black people, a new shackle to make their way out of. And these executives passed over a plethora of “clean” or “kind” rappers that would have maybe shocked the public even more because they challenged rather than reinforced black stereotypes.
When you go to the Fox News front page you still see “bad press” about how the Black Lives Matter organization is mismanaged, miserly, or criminal. Completely missing the point (perhaps intentionally), this coverage tends to focus on BLM the trademark holder and non-profit as if most people give a shit about the administrative happenings of Black Lives Matter the organization.
But this deflection and misdirection is the sort of “not really racist but obviously really racist” behavior brown people deal with on a daily basis.
Cops: I wasn’t pulling you over cause you’re black, I was pulling you over cause your taillight is out!
Judges: I’m just sentencing you according to the law! Don’t worry about the white guy who just got community service for the same crime.
Karens: I’m calling the cops to keep my neighborhood safe! Don’t worry about the other white people that I don’t call the cops on for hanging around.
These people actually think that they are not racist. Unfortunately for them, the only litmus test tell if someone is in tune with and aware of their racism is how they react to their behavior being called racist. The worst part of “politically correct racism” is that most of it isn’t said outright. It’s just a vibe, it’s hard to point at, or it’s delivered in subtle passive aggressive asides, comments, gestures, and suggestions. It’s a tactic that engenders paranoia, insecurity, and righteous indignation.
Most run of the mill racists will vehemently deny the possibility that anything they did or could possibly do is racist. They’ll immediately play victim as if you’re accusing them of a violent racist crime instead of pointing out a small cog in a system of oppression.
However someone aware of their ingrained racism will immediately get curious: “Geez, I didn’t intend it that way, can you explain why that was racist so I can understand better?”
This counterintuitive litmus test is a reflection of the way racist structures have evolved to work in baffling and clandestine ways.
The next level, where I believe I am (and there is always more to go), is where when I say something racist, if someone points it out, I usually don’t need an explanation, I’m able to wake up with just a nudge and hopefully never make the same mistake again. And I don’t get fragile and hate myself, I love myself more for my awareness.
And in little ways like this, the poison can be squeezed from us.
We need to “other” the racist within us.
The Great Gaslight
There’s no two ways about it. Colonialism has ruined civilization and social cohesion, all in apparent service of social cohesion and a civilization.
Since I was young, I’ve felt that for good or evil, reality has a way of keeping extremists in check. Hitler, Stalin, Osama, Obama, Bernie, Ron Paul. All of them had big dreams that were cut short in one way or another. They always lose.
This is an argument in favor of Rebecca Solnit’s book Hope in the Dark, which explores how positive social changes are always made piecemeal and rarely by way of a huge revolution.
Keeping in mind that reality (eventually) keeps extreme evil and extreme good in check, I’m a big fan of extremist thinking and moderate action. I voted for Ron Paul one year because I loved that he was personally against abortion but didn’t feel it was his place to limit or legislate it. Naive of me maybe but I much prefer this acceptance of duality than the hyper-political idea that we should have convictions that are unwavering and any diversion from them is a sign of weakness of corruption. The “gotcha” video clips of politicians changing their tune on certain topics—flip flopping—is intended to make them look bad, when really it just makes our political dialogue look bad.
I used to tell racist jokes in middle school. There are probably Facebook chats where I probably say some reprehensible things only able to be conjured in the mind of a teenage boy.
Even though it’s softening, cancel culture made it so that no matter when in your past you did something offensive, it was able to be used in the court of public opinion to ruin you. This community-ruining behavior in the guise of community strengthening behavior became rampant without any self awareness that it was working against its own ends. How were white people supposed to be liberated from racism if they weren’t given a chance change their ways? The most glaring oversight of Wokeness 1.0 was the complete absence of the word decolonization.
For the uninitiated, decolonization is acceptance of the fact that colonizers violently take and control of not just land, but of hearts, vision, imagination, minds, language, bodies, nervous systems, food, families, relationships, and communities. It is an all-encompassing system of control, and it is alive and well.
Decolonization implies that we are all colonized, that we all have mental trespassers that need to be cleared and dealt with. We have had armies march into our souls and proclaim the way things ought to be, the “natural order of things,” artificial hierarchies “required” in order to maintain that order, and a battery of decrees explaining what punishments will be metted out should those decrees be violated. We were told how to look at the world, how do we gain our independence back?
After learning about logical fallacies in college, I’ll never forget the room of eager, mostly white, men beaming with excitement to go wield their newfangled knowledge at everyone who dared challenge them. Suddenly, we could put a name to exactly why and how someone was wrong.
My professor wisely added: “these fallacies are never to be used as weapons. Just because someone you’re arguing with commits a fallacy does not mean they are wrong. It just means they committed a fallacy.”
Similarly, when some dumb liberal arts student learns about racism and misogyny and understands the injustice all around them, they get vengeful excited to yield their new knowledge at everyone who dares challenge their worldview. Usually their parents, They should be warned, however, that understanding of social injustice and the power structures that operate society are not weapons to use against other people, but medicines to consume. Decolonization starts with your self. It starts with understanding the fallacies that permeate your soul and senses, and it starts with working to be as aware of them as possible, until the poison isn’t so toxic anymore.
If enough people focus on that, magically society will reflect the values you hold so dear. Be the change you see and blah blah blah. Back to me:
My Thailand Trip
I’m only on day four, but I love this country and my ill-will for the US has only intensified. Suddenly freedom of speech and the right to bear arms seem funny.
How about there are no homeless people because they are allowed to have slums? So instead of making people live in tents that cops come clean out every month, they are given land to actually live in poverty, but with roofs over their heads, and communities to support them. How about the homeless people aren’t on drugs because there is severe criminal punishments for most drug use? An argument, to my surprise, in favor of intense policing. You don’t see homeless people leaning like zombies in the street. And I don’t know much about the maternal support systems that the government offers, but I can unequivocally say that Thai people love babies and children and make parents feel safe and supported.
In America innumerable restaurants don’t even have high chairs. And at restauarants there is always someone, maybe even the waiters, bothered that a child is present.
In Thailand, every single restaurant we have been to has brought us reusable plastic plates and forks for our children. They have made toys out of cups and spoons to entertain our kids during tantrums. Nearly every hip shopping mall and development has a dedicated play center that is staffed, clean, and thoughtful. It is mind-boggling how little bandwidth people in the US have. And how racist it is that I have been taught Thailand is somehow a third world country.
In the US, I can, expect maybe 30% of people to express joy about the fact that I’m carrying a baby, 90% of those people are female and 90% of those people are moms or grandmas. In Thailand it feels like 75% of people respond, and those people are young, old, men, women. There is joy to see a baby, there is bandwidth to help the parents. It is shocking.
In a word, this culture is more thoughtful. The bathrooms all have sinks for children. The airports have staffed, free, cleaned play centers for connecting flights.
The United States feels decrepit, thoughtless, and borderline inhumane.
But still, in my mind, I have the colonized view of this place. Bangkok is dirty. The sex trade is rampant. The officials are corrupt. The people are poor. The government is marred in red tape and bureaucracy. These presuppositions, of course, could be applied to nearly every municipality on Earth. So why do I have it in my head about Bangkok, Mumbai, and so on? Colonization, that’s why.
And that’s really all you need to ask yourself to start and maintain the ongoing, enlightening, frightening, and endless process of decolonizing your mind: Why do I have this thought in my head? How did it get there? Each time you ask yourself, you’ll fall a bit further down the rabbit hole.
Loving you from from afar. Thanks for reading.
Josh
Shared. Always deeply grateful for the insights your posts ignite in me.
thanks for sharing your reflections. I feel seen and I see you. what peace in the simple and honest joy of being alive! 🤍